leaving sunglow ranch and a new beginning

Some were saying it was the end of an era, for me it was a new beginning. I quietly drove down the long drive away from the ranch towards Sunglow Road, afraid to look back as there had been too many tears, making for a sad, sad day.... the three dogs, Dharma, the 5 year old Turkish goatherder, weighing in at 127 lbs, Jessie, my little red Aussie who is now 14 and suffering from the signs of old age, and Harry, the black lab not quite two yet, who wandered in with his partner Bess the end of April.... abandoned....they were all as quiet as I was...knowing their lives were changing before their eyes, and their beloved home was no more. One of my friends on the border came and fell in love with Bess. I let him take her knowing that would break the running and hunting habit the two had used to survive...so now we are three dogs, two horses, a burro and me. We had moved Doc, Apache and Frijole, the burro, down the road waiting for mom to call and say we have a new home and bring them to me....

I didn't get far, just down past the Blank Draw, and the tears overwhelmed me.... I got to the cattle guard, and pulled off, the magical Chiricahua Mountains in front of me. They seemed to know, it was my time to go...there were so many things I wanted to do before I left. I wanted to hike up to my favorite places, Rustler Park...well not quite to Rustler, that place where I break off and drive for a ways until I can't drive anymore, then I would take the dogs and hike up to the crest and just sit and listen to the soughing of the pines, not another soul within a mile. At times, I could see a truck go down the road far below me...they had no idea I was up there alone and loving the aloneness, the dogs understood my need and lay quietly waiting; Cave Creek, where I would park just off the road and walk in the mile to the trailheads so that I could just experience the quiet, watch the birds, wonder about those caves far up in the rocks above my head....knowing the bat guano that fills them and that it is the perfect place for a female cougar to give birth to her young.... and the Chiricahua National Monument.. the land of many rocks... what a natural wonder and all the people who work there..they are a natural wonder as well....the nature trail behind the ranch that allows one to explore the 400 pristine acres.... Whitewater Draw where the birds come in to 'hang out'.... all the places that I, of late, had no time for.

At the sweat lodge the night before I left, a friend had given me a pouch of tobacco...so I reached for the tobacco, and stepped from my car. I said a silent prayer, feeling the mountains embrace me. I prayed for safe travels, and that I cause no harm to others nor them to me, that my canine friends and all other animals stay safe, that no birds or animals dart in front of me while driving, and that the mountain lions I love so much stay protected from human predators ... I also asked the Great Spirit to hold my dreams in his hands and protect them, so I wouldn't lose them on the way. I laid a pinch of tobacco in my hand and held it out.... I watched as my prayers and the tobacco were carried up to the heavens with the gentle breezes of late October.

Sunglow Ranch, it seemed as if it was a 'give and take' relationship, like most relationships. I don't think I realized it as it was happening, there were times I felt I couldn't give it anymore...that I had nothing left to give, then I would step back into the hills, and that was when I could see how much the ranch and these mountains had given to me. A friend from college who came out to work with us off and on through the years once said, Susan if one isn't ready to face themselves, these mountains will kick their butt and send them packing....I believe that, the mountains are like a mirror, reflecting the true inner self back at you every step of the way.... Mitchel Sayare, the owner of Sunglow Ranch, years ago when I first came to work for him had expressed concern that the ranch may be too remote for me, and I laughed saying I was thinking it may not be remote enough. I had had many relationships thru the years, and it was time for me to be alone and learn about myself first, before bringing another man into my life. Little did I know that it would take me 10 years to learn who I am and through the complexity of my relationship with Sunglow Ranch I was able to understand my weaknesses and my strengths...my struggles and my triumphs. So, after many years of 'mountain therapy' I look at this as my new beginning.....and for this I give thanks to Sunglow, to Mitchel Sayare, to my fabulous staff, to all my friends in southeastern Arizona and to my beloved Chiricahua Mountains.